I’ve just decided to kill myself…

Shanti deelt haar verhaal in de serie: SelfLove

Shanti Silos (30-er), wil uit het leven halen wat erin zit. Alleen, wat doe je al werkelijk alles tegen zit?!
Shanti is een ware levenskunstenaar, en niet alleen als oprichtster van LightWorks. Bekijk voor meer inspiratie haar LICHTpuntjes documentaire of lees haar boek over leven en genieten. Meer aanvullende informatie over haar kun je vinden op http://www.light-works.nu/shanti/

Last year I moved in with my boyfriend and really noticed how destructive our relationship was. It felt like I stepped on quicksand and almost drowned in a few weeks! Within a month of us living together, somehow I found myself being virtually homeless, felt boyfriend-less, was work-less and the worse thing: I was self-value-less. The relationship was so toxic that I was sobbing and wheeling all day every day. I just didn’t see a way out of the mess I was in. In the beginning I didn’t really want to die, of course! Spiritual and emotionally I had already died multi-ple times; my spirit had left ‘the building’. The only thing I needed to kill was the old me, and rebuild a new woman.

Wake up call
My sister, not a very talkative person (except when she has a few drinks) was probably fed up with seeing me suffer… Out of the blue she said one sentence that was going to influence my life tremendously, even though I didn’t know it at the time. She said: “It’s not him it’s you… Get your f****** life together!” Somehow that triggered something in me. What she said changed my whole perspective; I realized that I didn’t have to be a victim, nor stay in these dreadful circumstances. It was like a whole other world, a world that I knew before I was in my relationship, was re-opening.
I COULD change the situation I was in, I just needed to take the lead again instead of continuing to follow his lead into more and more disaster.

Hit rock bottom
I had nothing to lose at this point: no home, no work, no money, no boyfriend, no self-worth. So I asked myself the question, what I would do if everything was possible. The answer popped in my head immediately: I would travel the world and would work while doing so. I got my calendar out, wrote down 30 names of the people I had met traveling that where dearest to me, and I stayed in contact with over the years. I send them a Facebook message where I ex-plained my situation and asked if I could visit them, stay with them and if they had work for me or knew somebody that could use somebody with my talents and skills.

Are you a victim or a victor?
Within thirty minutes I had ten replies of friends who welcomed me warmheartedly. This was so surprising to me. After staying with my boyfriend in his ‘case’, where it was cold and dark I wasn’t used to kindness. Let alone of people that I sometimes didn’t even meet over one day. I chose to go to the USA and visit one of my friends who always lifted my spirit and who was the most generous. He said I could come over to stay as long as I wanted! I could even use his car if he was brought to work as long if he didn’t need to entertain me and I would let him do his work.

Happy, joyous and free
This all happened a little over a year ago. I went to the USA depressed, lost, devastated from getting, being and staying in a destructive relationship … I was barely able to survive and stay alive. Last month I went to the big apple and saw the statue of liberty for the first time in my life. I was inspired by the statue and decided to walk around all day with the crown of liberation as well! Now, after leaving the USA, for the 4th time in the past year, I am back home and I can say I feel truly happy, joyous and free… I am thriving more than ever before: emotionally, spiritually, financially and physically!

Thank God for alcoholics anonymous
I am so grateful for everybody that has been patient with me, supported me and loved me, especially / even when I was suffering. And I am so happy that I’ve been part of the Miracle Group Alcoholics Anonymous fellowship, even though I’m not an alcoholic. In the beginning it gave me insights and hope and the past months it gave me insights for mere self-love (for me and our upcoming self-love retreats & book about it)

The summer is magic
I’ve endured a Tsunami and a couple of tornado’s. I’m really looking forward to and am ready to go with the flow of a steady calm stream. I will accept every challenge. And I will do anything and everything to end the fighting, the hard work, the suffering. I am really ready to live life to the fullest again, being aligned and manifest from my natural flow. And I know exactly what I need to accomplish that. So my summer of self-love will be focused on slowing down, reflecting, deepening and enjoying. The summer is magic! What does magic mean to you?

De thema’s van LightWorks’ komende twee interactieve boeken zijn: ‘Self Love’ en ‘Natuurlijk Leiderschap’. Vond je deze blog over ‘self love’ inspirerend en ben je benieuwd naar Shanti’s hele verhaal? Dat is mogelijk. Vertel ons waarom haar verhaal jou inspireert en wellicht wordt Shanti één van de inspirerende mensen die: – met haar verhaal in een van de twee interactieve boeken zal worden opgenomen.
Of wil je het verhaal over jouw pad van zelfliefde of natuurlijk leiderschap ook delen en daarmee anderen wellicht informeren, inspireren en/ of activeren? En wil je daarnaast kans maken dat we deze naast een publicatie op de website ook in één van de twee boeken opnemen?
Dat kan, door contact met ons op te nemen. Stuur een mail naar shanti@light-works.nu en wij zenden je de guidelines toe. En volg ons ook op Facebook om up to date te blijven!