Changing interests

by Sara Colvin

During my twenties, I was focused on two things: Education & Parenting. I earned three degrees and raised a beautiful, active daughter as a single mother. I was strong, independent, and ambitious. It was a decade of high achievement, great productivity, and rapid advancement. That is NOT what I want for my thirties.

The missing ingredients
Now 34, my focus is on family, marriage, and romance – the missing ingredients of my twenties. I waited a long time to make romantic love a priority because I had first wanted to establish myself as a single mother, strong and independent. I also discovered that I have a passion for learning, so I dedicated much of my time and attention to furthering my education. Putting all of my energy into those areas, by my late twenties, I was a successful, accomplished, radiant young woman. And I was ready to begin a new adventure: Romance. I knew that I didn’t want to wake up at 38-years old and realize that I’ve missed my chance to have more children. I no longer wanted to excel in a career, but come home to sleep alone. My daughter was growing up and I knew that the time was NOW. So I date… and I date… and I date…

Lasting relationship
Usually I know before the end of Date #1 if the relationship has long-term potential. I like to get a sense of a man’s values and beliefs, the way he views the world and what is important to him. I look for the ease of conversations, the matching of ideals, and similar mindsets. If I don’t know immediately, I’m always clear by the end of the second date. By this time, I’ve gotten enough experience with a man to see who he is at a basic level. First impressions tell much about a person. It’s then that I must make the decision: do I settle for a “right now” guy or hold out for the real thing ? Although sometimes I wish I could “just settle”… I’m a woman with integrity who knows what she wants, so I tend to move on quickly if the relationship isn’t going to last.

The balanced man
I can often read a man’s heart and see his true nature by the way he speaks. So I listen. I listen to how he describes his career, his family, his hobbies. I listen for how he talks about his siblings and neighbors. I look for a well-rounded and balanced man – a man who can play many roles yet always stay true to who he is. The kind of man who can go camping in a tent over the weekend, then show up for work on Monday morning in a suit. I look for a man who shovels his mother’s driveway and disciplines his teenage son. A man who can show up and be relied on in a career, in his finances, in a family, in a marriage, and in his community.

The kiss
I know by the kiss. It takes something special for me to desire a man’s kiss. It’s important that I desire for his lips to meet mine. It doesn’t often occur for me so when it does, I know to pay attention. Some indicators are: if every time I look at him, I see myself wrapped in his arms… If I can feel it in my soul every time his hand brushes against my skin… If the sound of his voice saying my name reminds me of heaven…  Then this man stands a very good chance at winning my heart.