No man, no more business (assignments/ leads), no doing good for the world…. After an intense time of making a movie & putting together the Sparks of LIGHT| www.lichtpuntjes.nu Festival I was beathttps://vimeo.com/69332630. During this period I had put my fam and most of my friends on hold. My business partners (people I DID spend time whit because of work) became my new (best) friends.The movie premiered and the Festival was a huge success. Now it was time for a change. This way of (not) living couldn’t go on like this much longer. Overall I was pleased with the current result of the film; my clients where all on holiday anyway and I had more man-action than I could handle. So I decided to go from spending almost ALL my time on 1. Sparks of LIGHT project 2. my LightWorks business and 3. men (yes exactly in this order) to quit them all at once and reduce my time spend on them to almost zero.

Yessss I really did!!! I WAS FREE AGAIN!!! I finally allowed myself to get out of the mini-rat race that I had gotten myself into without even knowing it. I thought that I would be in heaven. This was what I had strifed for: spending my time on whatever whenever.

Something else happened though… instead I felt stir naked! I had nothing more to hide ‘behind’, no overbooked calendar, no appointments, no dramas and no stress. I didn’t really know what to do with myself. I was used to making at least 12 hour (work)days. How could I chill and relax? Even my #100daysofmetimeproject didn’t bring me the piece, stillness and balance I had hoped for.

Sometimes the only way out is by going in all the way and really dive in… so I did. I examend my urge to feel loved and connected or alway wanting to service a higher cause/ my purpose. At times I even felt board. I allowed myself to feel uneasy at times and didn’t escape in heavy party-ing,flirting or meeting up with my (original) friends all the time ( I am happy I dislike shopping, otherwise that would be an other temptation I had to overcome).

I stopped everything so I could re-find a part of the connection that I knew I had lost in the midst of all the ‘heavy lifting’ I was doing to keep everything going. I knew exactly what that felt like because I had felt like this before (but ten times worse). I really wanted to feel connected again, connected to mySELF. And reconnect with others and other things from there. I felt it was important for me to literately stop and be still. To take the time for me, myself and I. To follow the flow of nature and be one with it.

Sometimes it feels difficult and I would love to run away and hide again. To hide behind my busy schedule, an other new project, the excitement of falling in love or doing fun stuff. Other times it feels like nature and me are one and I love to be in that flow. I am still pealing of layers of me.

At the same time the outside world is knocking at my door again: My business break is over; I DO want to finish the dvd of ‘Sparks of LIGHT | @lichtpuntjes’ and it must be spring because men are knocking on my door again. Further more I’m starting to meet up withe my (original) friends again. So a lot is happening these days. How to keep the balanced and stay connected in the mist of it all?

Like Tijn Touber helped me remember during one of his ‘silence-concert’: “It is about being open and ready to reserve ‘messages’ from the define even when everything around you is pointing in a different direction. If you are open, the only thing you have to do is pay attentions and follow are the signs”. I believe that if you can do that and even more important: enjoy it… than you don’t even know, remember or care about being naked because you are free….

Love, Shanti Silos